louise mckenzie records

after it was over

i went back 2 my car

and they had set out 

cones in front of ur street

literal cones

like they were cordoning off 

a crime scene

tree trimming or something

there wasnt any going back

i sat there 4 an hour 

i wept

and after administering

the self inflicted gsw

i slipped on my ex boyfriends ring

i had given it 2 u 

2 throw away

like a child

who thought she could 

escape 

the nitemare psycho

who she was born 2 be 

u said id be ok

but i need a vacation

from myself 

from this petulant toddler

who keeps whining

4 what she has not earned

every love 

slowly makes its way

down my imessage inbox

until its conveniently

out of view

replaced by push notifications 

and other meaningless trash

at the grocery store

the cashier took pity on me

asked if I wanted 

a handful of suckers

and stickers

i said yes

like a child

who craves sugar and colors

and freebies

something 2 put in her mouth

i went out

2 drink by myself

the drive conjuring up 

spirits of its own

my contacts becoming

so salty

i could not see

i drove anyway

like a child

who still insists

nothing bad will happen 

2 her

so she runs into the street

without looking both ways

i miss 

the playground

and telling secrets

and the sense of knowing

and feeling

my friend

i let go of his hand

because the bell rang

by the west wind

the past

on my finger again

so she could play pretend

that none of it 

was real

that summer 

wasnt coming

2 an end